The Turning Point

What does the title mean? You call it “titik balik” in Bahasa Indonesia. Why do I offer this to you, my readers? Please forgive me because there are no suggestions or advantages you could read from this article. It’s just my personal opinion, inner voice and sound of my tumultuous heart.


When dream did not come true, what you are going to do? Being desperate and committed suicide? Or take a look to yourself and make a change using the lesson you got before? Or keeping your faith and work harder to achieve the goal however it takes? My dream is simple and no special to be told. As an ordinary man, I also have a dream to get married. Cause everyday I am getting older and older and time could not wait even clock is not tick on any more. It’s simple, isn’t it?

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my live. It was happened again. I felt so lonely for a while because the whole world seemed to be darken and smaller. For a while I felt living in jungle that nobody exists. Seemed everybody pointed on me and laugh loudly. They shouted,” hey looser, your chance is finished. You will be live with all of your fails. You failed. No more chance to looser like you. Get out and live in isolated island so you won’t face the world any more”.

Hey world, you’re right. I am desperate now cause my girl did not approve my beg to marry her. I am mad. I upset. Unfortunately, she didn’t tell the reason for last three months. Even finally she confessed there was another man filling her heart and they were going to marry next July, I could not get rid the shocking effect. Of course, I am sad and disappointed.

For a moment I felt being played and abandoned. Could you imagine, for last six months I have tried becoming her closest friend, soul mate, and always prepare to be asked help whenever she needed? How many times I offered love to her that she always refused without unclearly reason and I still waited for in patient? And at the same time, she sent many messages expressing her attention on me. Darling, honey, love etc are a little bit words she delivered to my cellular phone. She also never rejected every time I touched her skin or hugged her body.

Is it wrong if I could not pretending and being felled in love to her? And now, after standing on the top of my faith means I really crash on love, she sent lighting that burn a whole of my life?

Somebody in there, I hope you could understand all of this expression. I am really disappointed with your treatment. I lost dream, hope, love and happiness. But I am not angry. I realize you have a right to choose your decision. You absolutely have a right to choose someone who will accompany your rest of life. Whya did you never talked about it before everything became complicated? Are you really want to break my heart? Devastation my feeling become pieces of glasses that may not be arrange any more?

Eventhough I am hurted and upseted, please believe me I will not make a revenge on you. Although I could, I won’t take the choice because my love doesn't allow you to be hurt. My deepest heart whispers your happiness is my happiness too. I do not want you to be sad or mad. I still have a healthy mind and respect your decision. I am Moslem and believe my entire destiny has been chosen by Allah. I believe it’s just His way testing me and my faith. I really understand and have forgiven your entire fault. So don’t be feeling guilty on me.

One thing I ask to you, don’t ask me to forget you. I hope I could do that, but I couldn’t. With a ring attaches on your finger, I know it’s time you face the point of no return. In the other side, I have to rearrange my direction caused I have met the turning point.