After along time

Hello
Sorry for not visiting you for along time. It's our first reunion after we separated and never contacting each other. Actually, it's was my fault. Cause after last time I saw you 20 months ago, I have been more appropriate and getting attention to the other.

It's hard to say I am happy seeing u again. Not really because i am in blue. I confess, this moment I am not in good condition, mentally and physically. I feel so comfortless. Not because disappointed by my girlfriend, but be confused by my own problems.

How could we release ourselves from old memories? Could we do that? My memories are not qualified as good story. After separating to my ex, i asked her to receive my proposal. We agreed to be a friend and kept on the relationship based on friendship and brotherhood. But for more than a year later, the commitment has never been came true. It's only lips service.

A few months ago, i supposed to meet her just as a manifestation of of our commitment. What was happen? She never answered my proposal clearly. Even in the holy moment likes Id Fitri last year, we did not meet each other. What's wrong? The only communication way we always been done is sending short message (SMS). Is it enough keeping communication without any subjective and minor perspectives? Of course not.

Now, i realized the friendship we were proposed is bullshit. Nothing real with that word. Even she never made a denial; her attitude reflected her mind and thought not to keep this relation based on friendship. We are in the grey area, no war no peace.

The clearest indication was happen last week. For second times, i proposed to meet her. I said i wanted to hear her condition directly. The first time, she did not hesitate to received my proposal. She also mentioned day and time we would be met and said there will be a companion with her. I was not so surprise to hear it. I guessed her companion is her new boyfriend. At least I was happy coz my dream to fixed this relationship and build a friendship is in front of my eyes (Don’t think I was hoping to get her back).

Only two days later, my dream was devastated. She changed her mind and refused to see me. "I fell comfortless due to him, said her on the short messageShe said we could see anymore in certain even like her wedding or another. I could felt she has to sacrifice unimportant thing likes me to avoid hurting the feeling of her boyfriend. Am I look like such thing? Perhaps.

I am sure you want to know how i responded her reason, aren't you? Just a few moments after received her message, I made a phone call to her. I told I understood her choise. I have been at the same experience before, said me. I also apologized because making her confused and felt comfortless. That's all.

Soon after closed my conversation, I realized the friendship i dreamed about is only a fatamorgane that will not be exist. But I hope someday I will get it from another person.

This morning, from a newspaper, i got a good lesson. An article says friendship could be end in love but love never ends in friendship. I know i have lost not only my dream, but also my friend. Although feeling unwanted by surounding, I believe the best way to get true friends is giving our trust. Even he/she never do the same thing for us. Hope u understand.